I love when I set myself up to answer an unanswerable question. Honestly, I would not be clacking away on this keyboard if I knew anything, truly, about what it means to be wild. So let me do the classic thing and quote a book I’ve been reading for some light entertainment, the dictionary. [insert audience laughter]

wild/wīld/; comparative adjective: wilder; superlative adjective: wildest

1. (of an animal or plant) living or growing in the natural environment; not domesticated or cultivated.”a herd of wild goats”

synonyms: undomesticated, feral, unbroken, fierce, ferocious, untamed

There’s another definition of the word ‘wild’ and it’s the one I wanted to lean on a little more. It defines the word ‘wild’ in the form of an adverb (a word that qualifies or modifies another word or word group). The definition is simple: indicative of strong passion, desire, or emotion. It would be hard for me to find a more relatable word for myself. That’s probably why all those years ago when Lynn (support her work here) prayed for me and called me a ‘wild man’ it was like my spirit man leaped for joy. I so connected with that label. It was like I knew I was wild, but I didn’t have a word in my vocabulary for it.

Here, in this definition previously stated, I think I can loosely define what it means to be wild.

Step 1: A strong passion

I believe Jesus is the genesis of Passion. Movies were made in this honor: The Passion of the Christ. He so desperately loved us, that He gave us His life. His life, for our rags. I know of nothing that even comes close in comparison to this. To love. And yet, I believe He is calling all of us deeper into passion. Oddly enough, this word has been so flippantly used over my lifetime that two things have happened: first, the word has lost its potency. And secondly, we misappropriate it to situations and circumstances that are not fitting. Let me go deeper on these points.

1,000,000.

That’s probably the sum of how many times I’ve heard myself and others say that we’re ‘passionate’ about something. Civil rights. Equality. Healthcare. Sports. Beer. Food. The list goes on and on. All quality items to be passionate about (especially food). I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get on these kicks where I’ll use a word way too often in a way too short amount of time. Words like: awesome. Words like: love. Words like: passion. But what’s even worse, I don’t think Jesus’ name followed in any of those sentences about passion. I can’t recall ever saying ‘I’m so passionate about Jesus’. Maybe I have and maybe I haven’t. It’s ok. I’m on a journey to making Him my number one. Here’s something I do know: words matter. Jesus’ words mattered to the countless individuals He encountered, healed and restored. Jesus’ words mattered to Paul (aka Saul) on the road to Damascus. Paul’s sight depended on listening to Jesus. Jesus=passion. Hands down. Jesus displayed the most poised version of passion in all of history. He was compelled by love and his fuel was passion.

Step 2: A strong desire

This is one I’m not ready for. Being wild means having a strong desire? But, isn’t desire bad? evil? entrapping? At first glance, this is another one of those words that has such powerful meaning and yet has been marred by the standards of the world. Reading through the bible at just about any point you could see the tapestry being woven: God longs, even desires, to reconcile with His bride. He desires her. Ever heard of Song of Solomon? It’s some powerful stuff, and that is a beautiful image of a man and woman desiring one another. What’s great about that portion of scripture is that it has a two fold sort of connotation: men love women, and God loves His church.

Desire is the by product of passion. That’s not a scientific fact, just my assessment. I believe that being passionate about something or someone leads directly to desiring that thing even more. I was passionate about being a good man and finding a good woman to partner with me in life. I was passionate about taking care of my heart and her heart (even though I’ve failed on both fronts). My passion has fueled me to find her and my desire has led me to KNOW her. What a beautiful difference in expression those two words are. Desire is marked by intimacy: closeness of relation. I choose a strong desire to know my wife. I choose a strong desire to know and see my God.

To be a Wild Man you must operate with a strong passion to pursue a desire for intimacy. [I’ll take credit for that quote…because that just rolled right off my fingertips ;-)]

Step 3: A strong emotion

The elusive emotion. Not emoticon. Not emoji. EMOTION.

I’m your typical man. I think deeply. I tend to choose my words carefully (unless that bloody ‘passion’ is boiling in my soul, then words just spew). I am even keeled. I avoid emotion, like a lot of men. I don’t really like emotion per se , but I’m learning about it. I’m learning to accept it and embrace it. I find that lately, I feel this sort of shame over my emotions. Doesn’t matter, the full gambit: happy, sad, discontented, angry, angrier, confused.

I don’t know for sure where the shame comes from because it honestly is a bit all over the place for me. I get overly excited for something and I feel this sort of self inflicting need to depress that. I say, “why are you so happy over something so simple? you better shut that down quickly because that’s going to make others uncomfortable”. Angers bubbles up and I almost get the same exact response internally: don’t make others uncomfortable. I’m just being honest here, that’s what I feel. But even in that, I sense this transition in my life. Emotions were what I once saw as the silent enemy within myself. I was conditioned to compress them and manipulate them and turn them off. But now, I believe Holy Spirit is teaching me with them. I accept my emotions now. Not because they are good or moral or right. I accept them so I can process them. I literally, just this evening, had an experience of rage. My day was long, my night was long and the boys were AMPED up before bed. I’ll be honest, some of it was comical but my main ‘goal’ for the night was under threat: Get them to sleep so I can have me time. They kept escalating, there were tantrums thrown and some aggressive, adult language muttered. I went to the bathroom at one point, heard my eldest son screaming and moaning and that was all I needed: I dropped an F bomb out of frustration. It wasn’t aimed at anyone or anything in particular but I needed to let something out. I’m not proud of it, but I am aware of this internal state of being: I am a Wild Man.

I am a Wild Man. I am an emotional creature and my Father intended it that way! I’m going to have some strong emotion. He designed my emotion. Just as he designed my internal man to learn and work into that strong emotion. What was once a dry, desert land and broken faucet in my heart, is now a fire hydrant that will put out fires.

• Strong Passion

  • Strong Desire

    • Strong Emotion

In closing, I don’t fully know what it’s like to be a Wild Man. I’m just figuring this stuff out as I go. I’ve got a million questions and no answers. But I’ll fight the rest of my adult life to get more answers. I’ll pursue desire with fierce passion and a love for emotion. For me, I’ve laid out some of the beginning steps of becoming wild again. And it could look different for you. And that’s ok.

Thanks for reading and joining me. Bring on the wildness!