Failure to Fail

I have failed. And I embrace failure.

That’s probably not a line you hear too often and I don’t really feel all joyful inside when I read it (and especially when I wrote it). But realistically it is true, because if it weren’t I wouldn’t even be writing this. You see, the ability to fail gracefully (or even with the greatest struggle) is a skill we don’t learn growing up. The failure to fail is a cancer in our society. We have become so conditioned to seeing and hearing underdog stories and cinderella stories that when we fail or even when we know of someone who failed we believe that’s how it all ends, with a negative outlook.  But that isn’t really the case. I don’t know off the top of my head but I am sure many of our modern day ‘heroes’ have had to overcome some sort of failure at one point.  One way to be truly successful is to move through a failure and allow the experience to mold your next approach.

This morning and in many mornings past my son Malachi was playing with his wooden blocks. He loves those things and I so love watching him light up as he attempts to build something: normally it’s a tower, as tall as his little arms can reach. And in case you’re wondering, today was a ramp for his cars to speed down. Anyways, Malachi can have a short fuse and right now that’s hard for us to handle but I see this passion that comes from it. When he’s in his adult years and if properly handled that passion and driven-ness can lead him to do great things. So he was building his tower and at some point it got so high that it could not withstand another block…otherwise it would fall. But he had that look in his eyes: the look of determination to add just ONE more block…

Needless to say it toppled and I could see his demeanor change in an instant. Can a 2 year old really experience the shock of failure?  Can he comprehend the pain and grief that comes when we don’t do a good job?  It’s debatable, but his reaction proved that he understood it didn’t go as he had hoped. My first reaction was to scurry and fix it for him, until I stopped and I believe in a split second I felt Holy Spirit change my heart. Instead of applying this ‘bandaid’ fix, I assumed it would be more beneficial to share in his pain for a brief moment. I didn’t linger in it and I sure didn’t want him to either. I just said ‘Malachi, it’s ok my boy. We may have failed this time but I promise you, we can get this right.’ And so on he went, building the greatest wooden block tower a Dad has ever seen. I feel like we both learned something in that instant. We discovered a way forward, out of failure.  We discovered that it is perfectly ok to mess up, and in our hearts we knew that it is actually a prerequisite to living a life of success.  I don’t know if Malachi fully understands that yet, and as a matter of fact I’m not so sure about myself either; but I do believe the foundation has been laid upon which his future self will know how to deal with the turbulence life may bring.

On the surface this seems like a cute story shared between a father and son, which it is. But let’s imagine the stakes were different: let’s say it’s not a 2 year old, but you take Malachi’s place wherever you’re at in life and the wooden blocks are replaced with a much weighter situation: such as the operations of a multi million dollar business, or working towards a college degree or whatever it may be you find yourself in. And in place of the earthly father is our heavenly Papa. If you are reading this, you have experienced some sort of failure, and here’s what I feel the Father is saying:  My child, don’t worry.  In My house we have unlimited chances and unlimited grace to make it all right.

Mind if I am transparent with you?  As a man I often feel like I’ve failed in certain aspects of life.  From my career decisions to financial decisions to even my walk of faith.  I’ve made countless mistakes in life, chosen wrong careers to pursue and even earned a degree in a field I am not working in.  But looking back at the footprints in my path I realize that each instance of failure is actually leading me to be a better man for it. My definition of failure may differ from yours or from the worlds, but regardless it has helped me become who I am today. I am successful because He has succeeded in me. I fail every single day at something, but with them I am able to triumph all the more.

In conclusion, what are you building? Is your tower at the brink of toppling?  If it falls, fear not. Look to the Father, pick up the pieces and start over.  I can hear the Father saying, “My child, that is the most amazing work of art My eyes have ever seen…and the tower you built is pretty special too.”