Attention!

The world is vying for our attention.  The world is desperate for our attention.  The precious commodity.  The rare earth immaterial most coveted in this day and age.  Even in writing this, I find my heart torn in two directions: to write (and beg your attention) or not to write (and let the subject sputter out in my soul).  But I must let this out, I must express this desire to fight back.  Most crucially though, I absolutely must defend my inner most being.  I have allowed my habits to beat up on my soul for far too long.  So this whole ‘attention’ shtick is far more than just a lunatic world trying to sell the most sunglasses or pair of jeans (is it me or has Instagram really overwhelmed our feeds lately??).  This is a silent but blatant assault on our souls, this is a downright pillage of our IDENTITY.

And I, Steven C. MacCloskey Jr, declare, ‘No more!”.  I can choose and will choose the way of the Lord.  You see, His ways are so beyond our ways.  Just the fact that I am only writing this now is testament to His ‘way’.  It has been literally months of Him screaming into my heart these words.  His endless pursuit of my attention, my affection, is the proof that He desires a change in pace.  I could open my journal (which is sparsely populated as of late; thanks #dadlife) and read an entry from anytime over the previous 3 months and easily pick out the theme the Lord was trying to show me: attention.  The ironic thing is that my attention span when doing anything these last few years has been so short, so fidgety that I haven’t been able to just rest in doing one thing.  One thing.  Does anyone else find it insanely implausible to do merely ONE task at a time??  We live in the 21st century.  Some would argue we were blessed with the ability to multitask.  I say rubbish.  We have been given an incredible gift in technology, but it was never meant to replace or steal our joy.  Technology has wreaked havoc on our minds and hearts.  Yet, I stand here today and realize that I wouldn’t have my job or even this small platform to share my thoughts if it weren’t for this cursed tech.  I’m not anti technology, I’m just anti-abuse of technology.

One thing.  I say it again because the other day I was working at my computer and plugging away at some important tasks and I knew I would be at my desk for a minimum of an hour or so.  My first reaction was to put my earphones in and listen to an audio book (something by CS Lewis most likely: you should check out his space trilogy, absolutely mind boggling).  That is not the worst part.  20-30 minutes into this work rhythm and I needed a breather, my hands were cramping and my mind needed a slight shift.  So I sat back and rested for a moment.  But you know what DIDN’T want to rest?  My brain.  My brain was so charged and fired up and desperate for stimulating content that I not only kept listening to my audio book, but I then picked up my phone, opened the News App (thanks Apple) and began scrolling.  Scrolling!  Are you kidding me?!?  I not only didn’t get that beloved ‘break’ my soul needed, but I went back to work less refreshed and more mentally fried than before…oh and I had literally zero comprehension of the book I was listening to.  Here’s the point: Nature abhors a vacuum.  I’ve never appreciated that phrase until this moment.  My mind, nature, began to experience a vacuum.  So immediately, as if on cue, my bodily response was to fill that vacuum with something new and fresh and exciting.  My mind didn’t want to rest the way my soul did.  My mind wanted another juicy detail about how the economy is tanking or the president is not nice or whatever, fill in the blank.  Did my soul have no say in the matter?  Nope.

Since that little observation I had, I’ve noticed I do it every single day.  Not only that, I do it without even realizing.  I wake up: reach for a device of some sort.  Normally I’m woken up by a little hand on my face.  Or lately my oldest son has literally been ramming me with his head like he is one of those weird hard-headed dinosaurs in a fight with another threatening dinosaur.  Whatever the circumstances are my subconscious mind is already reaching for that pesky little device probably even before I wake up; that’s how sickly desperate we are in need of our gadgets.  Another example is in a rare moment of silence.  One of my first instincts is to look at my screen: my eyes want to look at something nice, something exciting. It is too difficult to sit in the moment of nothing.  When’s the last time you drove in your car with no music on?  No podcast, no radio, no audio book, nothing.  I did it while driving down a long stretch of country road the other day and realized, by God’s grace showing me, that not all pine trees are the same color green!  Now, if I had music blasting I would have been preoccupied with that.  But by reducing my functions to two basic things, drive and think, I was able to free up brain space to notice new things.

Listen, I’m no neurological expert.  I’m not trained as a counselor.  I honestly know very little.  But I know that when the Lord speaks and we yield to His heart, He is utterly faithful to follow through on His word.  The Father’s Heart is so acutely locked in on our hearts.  He sees all and knows all and literally sacrificed His life, His Son, to save a people 2000 years in advance.  He is not surprised by our state of affairs.  And He most definitely is not intimidated by anything we present to Him.  That, to me, is one of the most re-assuring aspects of this relationship we have with the Lord: He is not intimidated, He is not threatened by anything we bring to Him.  Yet all He craves is our attention, our affection.

A quick prayer: Jesus, You alone are Worthy.  You are worthy of our praise and adoration.  Make us like Mary who so unashamedly cast herself at Your feet.  Jesus give me the same abandon to throw myself at Your feet in worship.  Some say she had an incredible encounter with You, she knew exactly who You were and could not help but to give You everything she had: even her scandalous act of washing Your feet with her hair.  Jesus, humble my heart in these times.  Humble me to a point that I can finally get to where You are.  For the one who wishes to gain his life must first be willing to lose it.  Holy Spirit, I come to you and pray for union with You.  Make us one, as you and Father and son are one.  I release my mind to you, I release my worries to you.  I release my addiction of having to be entertained to You, for You alone can heal my broken mind.  I invite You into my vacuum and ask for Your anointing over my inner most being; body, soul and spirit.  As a member of Your body I pray come, come into this trying time and redeem all parts of this life.  I am in awe of who You are and look forward to the days to come!  All Glory be to You!

Follow up Thoughts:

I realize some of this is anecdotal.  I am in no way saying ‘my way’ is right or better than another person’s way.  I’m just sharing heartfelt, raw experiences I’ve had on this subject in the last little while.  I also realize some may feel overwhelmed or unaware on where to start to make a change.  I am not an expert.  Practices I’ve put in place are a culmination of years of walking with the Lord and years of getting things utterly wrong on occasion.  Also, a lot of this has come as a result of deep reflection, replacing the bad content with good, wholehearted content, as well as dialoguing countless hours with friends and family.  As a family (myself, Gen and the 3 amigos) we’ve been trying to get creative with some ways to take back some ground in our soul care tactics.  I would like to list a few below, note: this list is FAR, SO FAR from comprehensive.  Each week we are learning new ways to take care of our souls and turn our attention to Jesus.  Here goes:

1.  Weekly Sabbath: 24 hours of screen free, technology free and work free time.

2. Increased Outdoor Time:  Adopting a hobby that requires outdoor participation; for me I’ve suddenly become fond of gardening and am learning to find rest in that.

3.  Screen Free Evenings:  I know married folks, this is when we with kids get to wind down and catch up (aka binge) our shows or watch a movie.  I get it, I do that too.  All I’m saying is maybe consider asking the Father each night what He has for you and where it is:  is it on a screen or is it in a book, or on the unwritten pages of your journal?

4. Quality time with Friends: We’ve been blessed to have had some incredible friends in our life.  But in the last 4 years we’ve found less and less time to spend with them.  In the last month we’ve been able to video call a couple we absolutely love and admire: they are 9 hours ahead of us and around the world.  Choose Community is what I’m saying, even if you aren’t in the same room!

5. The 1 Minute Pause App:  This is by far one of my favorite things right now.  I don’t get to do it very often, but EVERY TIME I enter into this I hear the Lord’s heartbeat and pulse.  This one is a little tricky because it’s on a screen, but in my mind it is an overwhelmingly redemptive tactic. Check it out, I promise you it is worth it.

I’m sure there is more I’m forgetting, but my fingers are tired and I want to get off of this computer.  I pray blessings for your life and for a new encounter in the Lord.